C.S.I

Grissom: Do you think a woman could've done this?
Catherine: I could.
Grissom: Scared of you...

Sgt. O'Riley: Here comes the "nerd squad".
Pilot

Grissom: I come here for calamari.
Catherine: Oh. Alone?
Grissom: No. Sometimes I have a beer with it.
Pledging Mr. Johnson

Grissom: No, Sara's gonna work with me. You've got a missing person, Sheryl Applegate. Her husband notified the police that she took the car and headed to LA, but she never showed up. A few hours ago, the PD found her car at the bus station. They requested a CSI.
Nick: She took the bus instead, case solved.
Sex, Lies, and Larvae

Warrick: What does Grissom drink when he goes out at night?
Sara: He goes out?
Sounds of Silence

Warrick: There was this one case where a boxer put lead shot in his gloves to increase his punching power. And also ancient greek limapulists used a glove weighted with metal, called a "cestus."
Grissom: You making a classical reference?
Warrick: Yeah. I thought you'd like that.
Fight Night

Greg: All work and no play makes Greg a dull boy.
Grissom: All play and no work makes Greg an unemployed boy.
Random Acts of Violence

Grissom: Sara?
Sara: Hmm?
Grissom: Do you have any duct tape in your kit?
Sara: Yeah, that's what I use to keep it together.
Suckers

Officer Formansky: Before this goes any deeper I wanna hear it from you, are you gonna try and screw me on this? Well?
Grissom: Well, I guess that depends on whether or not I get stuck in traffic on the way to your hearing.
Paper of Plastic

Catherine: Okay. My goals...Oh, all right, okay, for starters, I'd like two consecutive nights off. I would like to cut my triples down to 10 instead of the usual 20, and I would love to find a reliable babysitter so I could have myself some kind of a personal life.
Grissom: You don't have a personal life?
Catherine: Write this down: I haven't had sex in six - no, seven months.
Grissom: How can I help? You...Advance, I mean.
Early Rollout

Grissom: I thought that Nick was the best candidate for the position.
Sara: Why?
Grissom: Because he didn't care whether he got the job or not.
Sara: That's a stupid reason.
No More Bets

Sara: Hey, hey, Nick, Congratulations on your almost promotion. Seriously, you deserved it.
Nick: Wow, that's really hard for you isn't it?
Sara: Yeah, it is.
Bloodlines

Annie: If this goes to court, Warrick's going to have to come back and testify.
Warrick: Well, you got beaches, bikinis. Free trip to L.A.? I'm down.
Hollywood Brass

Grissom: Did you hear the one about the cop and the monkey who walk into a bar?
Catherine: I'm not in the mood.
Grissom: Neither was the monkey.
Weeping Willows

Catherine: You know it's gonna be a long shift when you get the call to report to the command post.
A Bullet Runs Through It

Hodges: In a crisis you can always count on me. (leaves)
Greg: Doesn't he bug you?
Grissom: No more so than anyone else around here.
A Bullet Runs Through It

Ecklie: So is there anything that I can tell the Under Sheriff?
Grissom: Yeah. Dead end on Fausto.
Ecklie: You tell him.
A Bullet Runs Through It

Catherine: So just how bad was the meeting with the Under Sheriff?
Ecklie: Worse than the Dentist, but better than the Proctologist.
A Bullet Runs Through It

Greg: Yeah, and now there's over 50 major brands [of hot dogs].
Grissom: Good luck. I'm rooting for you.
Greg: Well, hopefully I find a weiner.
Dog Eat Dog

Hodges: Well, I had a hamster when I was growing up. My mother hated them she said they stank out my room. But I just loved to watch them spinning on their little wheels. One day I came home and they were gone. Somehow they'd gotten out of their cage.
Sara: How much did your mother hate them?
Hodges: They ran away.
Dog Eat Dog

Catherine: This place used to make a hell of a meat loaf sandwich. You ever eat here?
Grissom: Not since the chef blew his brains all over the kitchen.
David: I eat here all the time... I like the Chilli.
Dog Eat Dog

Warrick: So this kid has two moms?
Brass: King Solomon threatened to cut the baby in half. What are you going to do?
Catherine: King Solomon didn't have a DNA lab.
Still Life

Warrick: Who brings a gun to a knife fight?
Grissom: The winner?
Daddy's Little Girl

Chelsea: We only do this [take drugs] when we're . . . when we're clubbing. I mean it's... it's just a hobby. It's not a habit. We have it under control.
Brass: Well the dead guy from the garage might beg to differ.
Daddy's Little Girl

Greg: Did You ever hear that expression "old money"? This stuff was ancient. Some of it signed by Eisenhower's treasury secretary. Series date all before 1965. Same with the grand we found on the vic.
Grissom: Ancient?
Kiss-Kiss, Bye-Bye

David: A thousand. When I was a waiter back in college, if I had three 20's in my pocket it was a good night.
Sara: At Chuck. E. Cheese that was a good week.
Kiss-Kiss, Bye-Bye